WEEK NINE NOTES

Journals Eke Out Tie to Remain in Top Six
At the end of Monday night, the Green Iguanas thought they had worked their way into playoff contention with a one-point victory against the Wall Street Journals.

And then the dreaded "stat correction" struck, awarding the Houston DEF with an additional sack and lifting the Journals into a 92-92 tie.

The Iguanas never should have had to worry, but decided letting it ride with Philip Rivers wet noodle was better than Carson Palmer and his 33 points. Oops. On the other side, two of the Journals three QBs (why do you have three QBs????) were better than Rivers.

The plague of Jamaal Charles also cost the Iguanas, scoring just five points. I mean, you want to sit him, you really do. But then you have to play Daniel Thomas, who shouldn't even be on an XFL roster.

Vandelay Makes it Two in a Row
Six players had double-figures in points for Vandelay Industries, who won with 100 points for the second week in a row.

The win pushed them above .500, which is the first time Tony Romo can claim that achievement in quite some time.

The Hair Dye were abysmal with six of nine positions scoring seven or fewer points. Mark Ingram continues to impress, chipping in six points.

Had it not been for Eric Decker's improbably 21 points and the luck of the Chargers DEF getting 27 against the Chiefs, it would have been significantly worse than 100-91 for Team Whitey.

Muscle Hampster Carries Whores

Doug Martin gave Killian lots to cheer about.

The Weekly woodshed beating came at the top of the standings as The Man Whores put a strangle-hold on first place with a 130-75 victory over the Tecmo Bowls.

The game got completely out of hand as soon the Muscle Hampster, Doug Martin, took the field. He ran for 240 yards and four touchdowns and nearly beat the Bowls by himself. Actually, the Whores three backs that started would've won the game 88-75.

Not even The Fast One could overcome the logical decision to start add Blaine Gabbert to the roster for Tom Brady's bye week.

Stunners Continue Stunning Run
The Steeltown Stunners magical run continues as they take down Cityname Sports Team 100-78 for a third-straight win.

Despite the streak, the Stunners are still unlikely to make the playoffs. They are however distancing themselves from the Team Mom like a petulant teenager.

Purple Jesus showed up with 31 points for Sports Team, but nobody else did. It was kind of like church.

The Widow Makers Get Crucial Victory
In a critical match-up between 4-4 teams, the Widow Makers got 60 points from three wide receivers and took down the Iron City Iguanas, 111-85.

It was a flip of the script as Yahoo's typically accurate projections predicted Iron City to win 111-89.

But Brandon Marshall led the way with 30 poiints while Reggie Wayne and Randall Cobb had 13 and 17, respectively.

The Bears DEF incredible season marched on with a 29-point performance for the Iguanas. But three players with two points or less, including Can't-RunDMC with one.

Drinkers Rebound Behind Big Performances
Aaron Rodgers scored 32 points to lead the Trough Drinkers to a 101-85 victory over the One-Term Wonders.

The most notable part of this game was how the teams changed after the game. Rodgers was playing his final game as a Drinker, having been traded immediately afterwards.

On the other side, the Wonders were playing their last game as the One-Term Wonders. After honoring George H.W. Bush for the previous three seasons, they have now taken up the mantle of honoring his son, George W. Bush by changing their name to the Two-Term Blunders. Where's the love for Jeb?