WEEK 11 NOTES

Playoff Watch
After 11 weeks, the playoff picture is pretty clear. If you have a winning record at this point, you are almost guaranteed to make the playoffs. In OFFL history, 15 of the 16 teams with a winning record at this point have done so. If you're worried about being the one team that didn't, don't. It was Brian's team.

If you have fewer than five wins at this point in the season, you are effectively eliminated if history is our guide. Those teams are 0-for-12 in making the postseason.

The interesting parts come from the 5-win teams. They are 3-of-8 all time. Exactly one 5-6 team has made the playoffs each year. Last year, it was The Man Whores, who went on to win the OFFL Championship.

Power Rankings
The Man Whores continue to dominate the power rankings with a 785 rating, which would be the best in league history if it keeps up.

Meanwhile, Nick Sabans Hair Dye is well below the Conte Line (350) at 306. They may well end up as the worst team in OFFL history in two weeks time.

The Belt
The Trough Drinkers took The Belt away from The Man Whores after three weeks, which included the second tie in belt history.

It is only the second time the Drinkers have held the belt, both of which have come at the expense of the Whores.

Trough Drinkers have lost their only belt defense, in 2009 to the One-Term Wonders.

Blunders Go Epic with Beatdown of Iguanas

Laurie Schaub Cheers for Matt, and the Blunders.

It was only a matter of time. Eventually, someone was going to lose by 100 points. It's finally happened. The Two-Term Blunders tied the league record for points with 150 in an epic 150-50 woodshedding of the Iron City Iguanas.

The Blunders rode the Matt Schaub to Andre Johnson combo to the record. The duo put up NFL record numbers and combined for 78 fantasy points

You have to think the Iguanas have some remorse with their lineup. Only Aaron Rodgers scored better than eight points. The key however is that the Bears Defense scored negative-one. Had they just broke even, Iron City would not be subjected to being the first team to lose by ONE HUNDRED POINTS!!!

Hair Dye Beat Stunners in Worst Game Ever
Nick Sabans Hair Dye celebrated a victory this week after taking down the Steeltown Stunners 64-52.

That's right, 64-52. Of 18 players between two teams, only three had more than eight points. Half scored five points or less.

For the Team Whitey, the leading scorer was the Jets Defense. Second, you ask? Dan Bailey, the Cowboys kicker.

It was the fourth fewest points scored in a win in OFFL history.

Drinkers Exact Revenge for Loss in 2011 Final
In a rematch of the last season's OFFL Cup Final, the Trough Drinkers exacted a measure of revenge with a 100-83 victory over The Man Whores.

Playing his first game after being traded by the Iron City Iguanas, Robert Griffin III exploded for 40 points. He was flanked by Mikel Leshoure and Trent Richardson who had 14 and 13, respectively.

The Whores should have been able to win, but Matt Ryan threw the game away. He was picked five times and finished with negative-three points in the contest.

Green Iguanas Upset Vandelay Industries
The Green Iguanas got 22 points from the Packers Defense and escaped with a 90-83 upset over Vandelay Industries.

Carson Palmer, of sucking in the NFL fame, chipped in 18 points. Without doing any research, we're pretty sure it's the most points ever scored by a Raider.

The Industries were screwed the minute they started Danny Woodhead. Doesn't their owner know white guys only score points for Team Whitey (Mullen)?

Tecmo Bowls Embarrass Nintendo in Loss

Belicheck's girlfriend could be a Tecmo Bowl Cheerleader.

Tom Brady channelled his best Warren Moon, but nobody stepped up to be Video Bo or Lawrence Taylor as the Tecmo Bowls were demolished 113-70 by The Widow Makers.

Not even the famous Tecmo Bowl Cheerleaders could excite the players. Six of nine players scored six points or less and only one had more than 10.

Meanwhile, the Widow Makers got an all-around effort. Drew Brees had 26, the Law Firm had 16, Randall Cobb and Vernon Davis each had 14. Even the kicker and defense combined for 27.

Wall Street Beats Cityname
Peyton Manning and Rob Gronkowski scored 25 points each in a 99-52 rout of Cityname Sports Team.

The only interesting thing about this game was Sports Team playing one player on a Bye and another who was ruled out due to injury. Justin Edwards would be proud.

WEEK NINE NOTES

Journals Eke Out Tie to Remain in Top Six
At the end of Monday night, the Green Iguanas thought they had worked their way into playoff contention with a one-point victory against the Wall Street Journals.

And then the dreaded "stat correction" struck, awarding the Houston DEF with an additional sack and lifting the Journals into a 92-92 tie.

The Iguanas never should have had to worry, but decided letting it ride with Philip Rivers wet noodle was better than Carson Palmer and his 33 points. Oops. On the other side, two of the Journals three QBs (why do you have three QBs????) were better than Rivers.

The plague of Jamaal Charles also cost the Iguanas, scoring just five points. I mean, you want to sit him, you really do. But then you have to play Daniel Thomas, who shouldn't even be on an XFL roster.

Vandelay Makes it Two in a Row
Six players had double-figures in points for Vandelay Industries, who won with 100 points for the second week in a row.

The win pushed them above .500, which is the first time Tony Romo can claim that achievement in quite some time.

The Hair Dye were abysmal with six of nine positions scoring seven or fewer points. Mark Ingram continues to impress, chipping in six points.

Had it not been for Eric Decker's improbably 21 points and the luck of the Chargers DEF getting 27 against the Chiefs, it would have been significantly worse than 100-91 for Team Whitey.

Muscle Hampster Carries Whores

Doug Martin gave Killian lots to cheer about.

The Weekly woodshed beating came at the top of the standings as The Man Whores put a strangle-hold on first place with a 130-75 victory over the Tecmo Bowls.

The game got completely out of hand as soon the Muscle Hampster, Doug Martin, took the field. He ran for 240 yards and four touchdowns and nearly beat the Bowls by himself. Actually, the Whores three backs that started would've won the game 88-75.

Not even The Fast One could overcome the logical decision to start add Blaine Gabbert to the roster for Tom Brady's bye week.

Stunners Continue Stunning Run
The Steeltown Stunners magical run continues as they take down Cityname Sports Team 100-78 for a third-straight win.

Despite the streak, the Stunners are still unlikely to make the playoffs. They are however distancing themselves from the Team Mom like a petulant teenager.

Purple Jesus showed up with 31 points for Sports Team, but nobody else did. It was kind of like church.

The Widow Makers Get Crucial Victory
In a critical match-up between 4-4 teams, the Widow Makers got 60 points from three wide receivers and took down the Iron City Iguanas, 111-85.

It was a flip of the script as Yahoo's typically accurate projections predicted Iron City to win 111-89.

But Brandon Marshall led the way with 30 poiints while Reggie Wayne and Randall Cobb had 13 and 17, respectively.

The Bears DEF incredible season marched on with a 29-point performance for the Iguanas. But three players with two points or less, including Can't-RunDMC with one.

Drinkers Rebound Behind Big Performances
Aaron Rodgers scored 32 points to lead the Trough Drinkers to a 101-85 victory over the One-Term Wonders.

The most notable part of this game was how the teams changed after the game. Rodgers was playing his final game as a Drinker, having been traded immediately afterwards.

On the other side, the Wonders were playing their last game as the One-Term Wonders. After honoring George H.W. Bush for the previous three seasons, they have now taken up the mantle of honoring his son, George W. Bush by changing their name to the Two-Term Blunders. Where's the love for Jeb?

WEEK EIGHT NOTES

Playoff Watch

Never before in OFFL history have we had a 7-1 team, much less two. However, 10 of 12 teams in league history to reach seven wins have made the playoffs, so you have to think The Man Whores and the Tecmo Bowls are already in. With one more win, they can pretty much clinch as all eight teams in league history to win at least eight games have made the playoffs.

Cityname Sports Team is also sitting pretty at 6-2. Four of the five teams that have opened with that record have made the playoffs. Only last year's Green Iguanas didn't as they dropped four of their final five games and lost out in the 7-6 tiebreakers.

With three teams likely already in the tournament, that leaves three more spots. There are currently four 4-4 teams, and history tells us they are a coin flip for the playoffs. At 3-5, the Trough Drinkers and Nick Sabans Hair Dye also have a shot as two of seven teams to ever have that record made the playoffs, with both happening last season. 

If you're 2-6 or worse, prepare to own the Team Mom.

Power Rankings

Rk Team

1 The Man Whores (2) 766

2 Trough Drinkers (2) 623

3 Wall Street Journals 610

4 Iron City Iguanas (1) 591

5 Cityname Sports Team (1) 578

6 Tecmo Bowls 519

7 Vandelay Industries 500

8 The Widow Makers (1) 468

9 One-Term Wonders 448

10 Green Iguanas 403

11 Steeltown Stunners 247

11 Nick Sabans Hair Dye 247

OFFL Championship Belt

First-place The Man Whores added The Belt to their trophy collection by knocking off the Wall Street Journals, 126-99. 

It is the first time since the beginning of the 2011 season the Whores have owned the Belt and the third time overall. They still hold the record for most title defenses with five in the 2009 campaign.

The last time they lost The Belt, it was to the Tecmo Bowls, who they also face this week.

Stunners Make It Two in a Row

It was a week of horrendous scores, and nothing epitomized it more than the Steeltown Stunners 70-61 win over The Widow Makers. It was the second straight win for the Stunners after an historical 0-6 start.

How bad was this matchup? Sebastian Janikowski was the leading scorer for the winning team with 14 points. Mike Williams was second with 12. Who is Mike Williams and what team does he play for?

For the Makers, Drew Brees tallied 17 points, but their starting running backs were Vick Ballard and Alex Green. Who? Exactly. Minnesota's defense didn't help with their negative-five points. I could've scored negative-five, but I'd still have to bum rides.

Tecmo Bowls Move to 7-1

Luck of the Irish

The Tecmo Bowls rode Tom Brady and his 36 points to a 75-67 victory over the Green Iguanas to move to 7-1 on the year.

There is likely no 7-1 team in the fantasy universe that is as bad as the Tecmo Bowls. Besides Brady and Steve Smith (The Fast One), nobody on their team managed to muster more than six points. It was the third time in four weeks they won despite scoring 80 points or fewer. They may as well change their name to "The Horseshoe Up Brian Kelly's Ass."

Here in The Notes, we rip on Chad quite a bit. However, Green Iguanas owner Brian Limbaugh deserves some recognition as well. He's never made the playoffs and is now 2-6 after posting 67 points this week. We salute you, Mr. Suck-At-Fantasy-Football. You are a Real Man of Genius.

Kicker Carries Cityname to Victory

Lawrence Tynes scored 17 points and Cityname Sports Team held off Iron City Iguanas 90-87.

That's right, a kicker made the difference. Tynes outscored Robbie Gould by 12 points in a three-point win. You can imagine the frustration of the Iguanas. Well, maybe not. If you've made the playoffs before, you actually can not imagine their frustration.

Tynes was one of five players to hit double-digits for Cityname, who overcame a donut from Greg Jennings to get the win. LeSean McCoy and Julio (the J is only silent to Bama fans) Jones each went for 18 points, but it wasn't enough.

The Man Whores Explode on Wall Street Journals 

Doug Martin came out of nowhere to put up 32 points and lead The Man Whores to a 126-99 victory over Wall Street Journals.

Martin wasn't alone in putting up huge numbers for the Whores. Matt Ryan laid down for 29 while Marshawn Lynch and Jason Witten each had 16. 

The Journals didn't go away quietly. Peyton Manning returned to form with 30 points and Gronk added 26. However, it wasn't enough.

Vandelay Takes Down Lifeless One-Term Wonders

The One-Term Wonders continued their downward spiral with a 100-58 loss to Vandelay Industries.

The best player in the game was the Giants Defense, which had 22 points. That should tell you enough about this game. Four more players hit double figures for Vandelay in the rout.

Meanwhile, outside of Matt Forte and Darren Sproles, the Wonders were miserable. Five players scored four points or fewer, including Eli Manning. Somewhere, Dave Neal is sobbing.

Nick Sabans Hair Dye Beat Up Trough Drinkers

After winning three straight to get back to .500 at 3-3, the Trough Drinkers have gone epic bad. In the past two weeks, they have lost to the two worst teams in the league, including a 106-63 woodshed beating this week to Nick Sabans Hair Dye.

The Hair Dye are tied with Steeltown Stunners in the power rankings for the bottom spot in the OFFL. The Drinkers have lost back-to-back games against them. Besides Aaron Rodgers and Percy Harvin, everyone on the Drinkers scored six points or fewer. 

Matt Stafford finally lived up to his first-round draft status by throwing for 36 points for the Hair Dye. He was bolstered by Eric Deccker and Miles Austin, who scored 16 and 13, respectively.

WEEK SEVEN NOTES

Drinkers Stunned as Steeltown Gets First Win

Steeltown Stunner

The Steeltown Stunners ran wild en route to an 87-85 victory over the now-maligned Trough Drinkers for their first win of the season.

After suffering through six weeks of Chris Johnson playing like Auburn's offense, he finally paid off with a 31-point breakout performance. Frank Gore added 18 as the Stunners outscored the Drinkers 49-13 at running back.

Aaron Rodgers 31-point effort on Sunday night was too little, too late, and even allowed Steeltown to bench it's defense to prevent a negative outing.

You read that right, the Steeltown Stunners benched a player on purpose and still beat a team. Drinkers = Shame.

Man Whores Hold Off Sports Team
The Man Whores got a balanced effort to hold off Cityname Sports Team and take over first place.

Six positions scored in double digits, led by Arian Foster's 21 and Victor Cruz's 19. Cityname kept pace with six double-figure scorers as well, but having Kendall Wright on thier roster was their undoing as he posted one measly point.

Widow Makers Bomb Green Iguanas
In a case of Daddy doesn't know best, the league's newest father was shamed in front of his daughter in a 130-60 beatdown at the hands of the Widow Makers.

Drew Brees went off for 36 points while Randall Cobb and the Minnesota Defense scored 21 and 20 respectively to lead the Makers.

When Ray Rice and Larry Fitzgerald combine for seven points, you know you're in trouble. Not even John Skelton could save the Iguanas, shockingly.

Iron City Overcomes Byes to Beat Vandelay
Having your best RB, WR and TE on a bye is usually a recipe for a loss, unless of course you're facing Vandelay Industries.

The Iron City Iguanas missed LeSean McCoy, Julio Jones and Antonio Gates, but escaped with a 77-54 win because the Industries couldn't sell latex to a high school boy.

Four players failed to score more than three points and only the Giants Defense outscored its projection, 11-10, for Vandelay.

After the game, team spokesman George Constanza could be heard shouting, "Serenity Now!"

Wall Street Journals Take Out Hair Dye
Vincent Jackson, who is apparently still in the NFL, exploded for 27 points to carry the Wall Street Journals to a 101-79 victory over Nick Saban's Hair Dye.

Houston's Defense added 22 points and the Gronk managed to stop banging porn stars for long enough to chip in 19 points.

The Hair Dye were a picture of mediocrity with everyone on their team scoring between five and 15 points, except for Kyle Rudolph's bagel.

Tecmo Bowls Beat Wonders
The Tecmo Bowls scored 80 points or less for the third straight week, and won for the second time in that span, beating The One-Term Wonders 75-73.

The Wonders haven't broken 65 in consecutive weeks.