WEEK 12 NOTES

Even Nick Sabans Hair Dye is on the Tebow Band Wagon

You've seen the Power Rankings and the Playoff Projections. You know the Bonehead and Lucky-Asses of the week. You think you know what happened in this week's matchups, but not totally because you haven't read the notes. So, go forth young man (and Jacka and Parker), and READ THE NOTES!

League Leader Coasts to Improve to 10-2
In his first season in the OFFL, owner Robison Jacka is proving that either we all suck, or he is U Thant -- or at least the U Thant of the OFFL.

This week Cityname Sports Team continued its assault on the league with his season-long strategy. Let Tom Brady throw touchdowns to Wes Welker to win 137-92 over the second-place Green Iguanas. We looked it up and Welker only has eight touchdowns this year. It seems like he has 28 the way the Sports Team are kicking ass and taking names.

At one point, Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson were performing a Brady/Welker impersonation for the Green Iguanas. Unfortunately for them this week, the mentors schooled the students and the Iguanas were left to rely on the fact that they started two tight ends. Yes, this a team that is ranked third in the league right now.

Hair Dye Escape With Crucial Victory
In easily the most exciting game of the week, Nick Sabans Hair Dye held off the Trough Drinkers, 86-80. The winner was all but assured a playoff spot, and the game came down to each team's participants in the Broncos-Chargers contest. Of course Tim Tebow came out on top.

Going into overtime, the best hope for the Drinkers was Tebow throwing an interception. But according to Skip Bayless, he just doesn't do that, and he didn't. The Drinkers could now be in a tailspin, having lost two straight as well as losing Fred Jackson for the season. It's almost as though they married a Kardashian in Week 9 and are now wondering why the hell it's all falling apart.

Stunners Go Crazy in Shootout
Who could have imagined going into the week that two of the league's worst teams would be going tit-for-tat in a scoring fest. But that's exactly what happened as the Steeltown Stunners rallied to beat the Wall Street Journals 137-92. If that score sounds familiar, it is. It matches the Cityname win over Green Iguanas, the first time in league history two games have been decided by the same score in the same week. Aristocrat shots all around!

The catalyst for the Stunners victory was Drew Brees. He went bonkers for 44 points and carried receiver Lance Moore with him. Moore tagged along for 17 points, that's 61. Tack on 10 from Brandon Jacobs and the Stunners went for 71 points on Monday night. That would have beaten the One-Term Wonders on its own.

Lost in the Monday night comeback was the fact that Sebastian Janikowski kicked six field goals and scored 19 points. No Journal player outscored him. Not even Cam. We think Janikowski just did the Superman touchdown move while popping whatever pills the Polish Assassin pops.

Man Whores Keep Playoff Hopes Alive against Widow Makers

She once helped find "Ray Finkle"

Before we get to the game breakdown, let The Notes give props to these two teams for using their logo and helmet as their official league avatar. As for the game, it wasn't very interesting.

The Widow Makers had a chance to all but assure a playoff berth, which would be their first. But they buckled under the pressure like Ray Finkle in the 1984 Super Bowl. Of course Aaron Rodgers showed up with his weekly 20-plus point game. But nobody else did. Seven starters with seven or fewer points won't get you very far. There's no "I" in "TEAM" unless your name is Aaron Rodgers.

The Man Whores took advantage to stave off almost certain playoff elimination. Matt Ryan remembered Roddy White was on his team and the duo combined for 46 points. Beanie Wells remembered there was and endzone and Percy Harvin remembered he was really fast as they comnbined for 41 more points. Once you have 87 with four players, who cares what your other four scrubs do. Including your white wide receiver.

Cruz Sells Lots of Latex as Industries Beat Wonders
In what can only be described as a match up of utter mediocrity, Vandelay Industries rode star receiver Victor Cruz -- yes, that Victor Cruz -- to an improbable 74-67 victory over the One-Term Wonders.

In hindsight, it's entirely likely the Industries should have won Lucky-Ass Owner of the Week. However, we didn't feel like recognizing their effort last week would be productive at all. Only one player scored more than eight points, and it was Cruz.

Luckily for the Industries, the Wonders were just as bad across the board, without the star power. Only two players cracked the impenetrable nine-point barrier, as Tony Romo and DeMarco Murray went wild for 15 and 12 each.

In all, six of 18 starters scored five or fewer points and half of the 18 went for seven points or fewer. Yes, futility at its finest.

Iron City and Tecmo Bowls Revert To Early Season Form
After four weeks, the Iron City Iguanas were 4-0 and the Tecmo Bowls were 0-4. Since then, the two have been on different tracks.

The once unbeatable Iguanas fell off a cliff starting in week five as they lost six of seven. Meanwhile, the laughable Bowls rose to respectability by winning four of seven after the rough start. Then in a week, recent history was gone.

Iron City sent the Tecmo Bowls an invitation to an exclusive party behind a woodshed, which the Bowls readily accepted to the tune of a 112-73 beatdown.

It's impossible to figure out how the Iguanas scored 112. Looking at it now, owner Hal Craig also could have won Lucky-Ass of the Week. Vince Young for 23 points? Roy Helu for 21 points? Who? Did you really start Jabar Gaffney? My head is spinning. Is that an Oompa Loompa on your roster?

The Tecmo Bowls reverted to their early season form of not scoring very many points. It's great to have four players in double-figures. It's not to have three players score one point or fewer. If only they had been named the Super Tecmo Bowls, everything might have been different.