WEEK NINE NOTES

Drinkers Down Bowls, 99-92
Philip Rivers scored 30 to overcome the Oakland defense's drunken performance of negative-5. Not that it mattered. Even Mike Tolbert's miraculous 19 points wasn't enough to save the Tecmo Bowls from the little red light blinking on their old school NES. Blow in the cartridge man, your team sucks.

Iron City Wins Iguana Bowl, 82-70
The Iron City Iguanas got off the schnide finally after four straight losses. Willis McGahee (he still plays?!?) was the catalyst with 28 points en route to OFFL Player of the Week. It appears the luck is running out on the Green Iguanas as not even the "Red Rifle" could save the day with 26 points.

Vandelay Tops Stunners, 94-83
Needing to halt it's season-long slump, Vandelay Industries channeled Mark Grace went after, what you may refer to as, a slump buster. Luckily for them, the Steeltown Stunners were on the schedule. It's like eHarmony got involved on this one. We don't know how the Stunners lost. Perhaps it was LeGarrette Blount, Sebastian Janikowski and Brandon Jacobs all getting high right before kickoff.

Cityname Bombs Widow Makers, 122-81

Clearly the Eagles D had motivation

In a thrashing of epic proportion, Cityname Sports Team took The Widow Makers behind the woodshed last week as though Andrew Luck were their quarterback. Seven of nine starters had at least 13 points while the Makers continued their Aaron Rodgers or bust strategy. They hit both as Rodgers went for 38, but the rest of the team went bust. A combined four points from three receivers? Fail.

Wonders Stave Off Whores, 91-84
In perhaps the most thrilling match of the week, the One-Term Wonders appeared to be ready to coast to victory Monday night, sporting a seven-point lead and Michael Vick still to play. However, the Eagles defense and something else in mind, scoring a touchdown, forcing a pair of turnovers and even lifting The Man Whores to an 89-87 fourth-quarter lead. But Vick managed to not lay a complete egg and came through with a paltry eight points, just enough to win.

Hair Dye Recycle Journals, 118-71
Nick Saban's teams had at least one victory last weekend as the Hair Dye rode Tim Tebow and Vincent Jackson to an easy win over the Wall Street Journals. Tebow put up 27 while Jackson hauled in 32 points. Brandon Marshall and Steven Jackson combined for 30 more as the Journals never had a chance.