WEEK SIX NOTES

It's past Week Six. I missed out on notes last week because of not having a computer for, well, the whole week. We'll ignore no internet, and lots of travel, to make the masses happy.

Sorry, so Sorry

Thanks Matt Stafford

This is the saddest loss in OFFL history. The Trough Drinkers traded Ahmad Bradshaw to the Green Iguanas two weeks ago for Philip Rivers. So, what happens? Yep, Rivers is on a bye and Bradshaw goes for 30. Yes, 30 (Bills defense, you didn't see that third touchdown coming?).

Amazingly enough, that wasn't the killer. In looking for a replacement the Drinkers chose Jason Campbell. Then Campbell broke is collarbone. You can get 61 out of your three running backs, but when Matthew Stafford goes for 23 and your QB drops a zero (couldn't he at least have dropped a deuce?), your immediate future is not bright. And the Green Iguanas escape, yet again.

Stunning Mediocrity
Cityname Sports Team beat the Steeltown Stunners 75-72. One of their running backs scored negative-2 and they still won. It's a little easier to score a victory when four -- FOUR! -- of your opponents starters score exactly two points. Even the Steelers Defense couldn't save the Stunners this week.

This raises another question. Who the hell is Jake Ballard? And why is he scoring eight points?

Vandelay Industries Gets Right Vs. Wonders
Not much has gone right for defending-champion Vandelay Industries this year. What went right this past week was the schedule. Virtually everyone has a good week when the One-Term Wonders are staring at you across the line of scrimmage. They're so bad that they only start one player whose name looks like it was chosen by reaching in a Scrabble bag. And that's Shonn Greene. I mean, Ms. Greene, were you even trying?

I digress. The Industries were selling latex at an alarming rate last week. Josh Freeman with 24 and Rashard Mendenhall with 20 led the way. And nobody scored fewer than five points en route to the 112-78 whitewash.

How Have You Ever Won Four Games? It's a Miracle
Heading into last week, the entire league was apparently lollygagging as the Iron City Iguanas sprinted out to first place in the OFFL. Now, we wonder if they'll even make the playoffs after an improbably 4-0 start.

The Iguanas posted a paltry 63 points to lose for the second straight week. Six of nine starters had six or fewer points, which despite the Stunners insistence is not a recipe for victory. This isn't all on the Iguanas though. When Mark Sanchez drops a dirty 20 on you, it's hard to overcome.

Man Whores Work Wall Street Successfully
Not just anyone can whore themselves out, especially in such a high-rent district as Wall Street. But that's exactly what The Man Whores did this week in an 82-71 win.

Ray Rice and Jahvid Best combined for 26 points while the Journals running back position had eight points total. This is what happens when you think you're playing 2004 NCAA Fantasy instead of 2011 NFL Fantasy and start Carnell Williams. Ask the Drinkers how that Jason Campbell thing worked out. Fools.

Or maybe it's an Auburn thing. Cam Newton kept his feet on the ground with only 10 points (WHY THE HELL AREN'T YOU STARTING ELIIIII MANNING?!?!?). The Ole Miss connection of Mike Wallace and BenJarvus Green-Ellis tried by scoring 19 points, but it wasn't enough.

Tecmo Bowls Couldn't Win With Tecmo Bo
In 1989, Bo Jackson sprinted back and forth on fuzzy, 13" curved television sets across this country for something like 600 yards and eight touchdowns per game. If he was starting instead of Michael Bush for the Tecmo Bowls, they'd probably still be getting beat.

The only thing weaker than the Bowls performance has been the performance of those playing against the Green Iguanas.

This week's benefactor was the Widow Makers, who got the 87-57 win. Once again, it was Aaron Rodgers and the nobodies though with Rogers putting up 28 points and the Green Bay Defense being the team's second highest scorer. Jabar Gaffney? That's what passes for a fantasy starter these days?