WEEK SEVEN NOTES

Matt Forte has been the No. 1 running back in the first half of 2011.

Playoff Watch
Well, well, well. At the halfway point, the OFFL is a model of parity that Roger Goodell would be proud of. Everyone is between 5-2 and 2-5. Looking towards the future -- Great Scott! -- all five teams that have ever been 5-2 in the OFFL have made the playoffs. That bodes well for the Widow Makers, Cityname Sports Team and the Green Iguanas.

Just below that, three teams stand at 4-3. In the past two seasons, three of the four 4-3 teams have reached the playoffs. So, Iron City Iguanas, Nick Sabans Hair Dye and Wall Street Journals are in good shape.

On the outside looking in is the 3-4 trio. In the past, three of seven 3-4 teams have reached the playoffs, including 2 of 4 last season. So, they're not out of it just yet.

Here's an open letter to Vandelay Industries, One-Term Wonders and Tecmo Bowls. Keep trying. No team 2-5 or worse has ever made the playoffs, but you don't want the Team Mom trophy.

Playoff Projections:
1. Widow Makers
2. Cityname Sports Team
3. Nick Sabans Hair Dye
4. Iron City Iguanas
5. Trough Drinkers
6. Wall Street Journals

Yes, that means we're predicting the 5-2 Green Iguanas to not make the playoffs. Sorry Iguanas, you still don't even have 600 points.

OFFL Championship Belt
If the OFFL was like boxing, and had a championship belt (don't discount this actually happening), you'd have to beat the champ to be the champ.

Dating back to the inaugural week, the Bean Counters won the Battle Royal for the belt with a league high 135 points. Since then, team's have beaten each other back and forth to the point that Ric Flair is jealous.

The current holder of "The Belt" is The Widow Makers, having won it by rolling over The Man Whores 131-76 in Week 4.

Maker's owner Parker Schopbach is a first-time Belt champion and has successfully defended the Belt twice. Only one team has ever defended the Belt at least three times, which was The Man Whores with five successful defenses in 2009.

Makers Win Fourth Straight to Move Into First
The Widow Makers are the Raiders of the OFFL. They're owner is a little insane, has an evil laugh from time to time, and he hails from the Bay area. Their team is built around a great QB, they start two TEs for no apparent reason and only receivers that run a 4.2 40-yard dash. You'd just assume they'd be doing Al Davis proud with a 1-6 record.

Except, the Widow Makers have Aaron Rodgers and Matt Forte. Besides that, squat. Their receivers rival the shits my dog takes in the front yard: brown, stinky and totally avoidable. And their tight end sounds like a nickname for a chia-pet (Brandon Pettigrew).

Yet, somehow, they keep winning with a 104-92 victory last weekend over Nick Sabans Hair Dye. They're in first place and rank No. 1 in the power rankings. Rodgers dropped 31 while Forte added 23. The Hair Dye managed to keep pace as "The Tebow" posted 25 points and Adrian Peterson matched Forte with 23.

The difference maker was Fred Davis, who was inexplicably started as a TE at Flex, but rewarded his quirky owner with 14 points.

Speaking of Tebow, Albert Pujols was totally just caught "Tebowing" on SportsCenter.

Sports Team Demoralizes Man Whores
Yes, we get the oxy moron in the title, but we're sticking with it. Heading into week 7, The Man Whores were a 24-point favorite and even pretended to "rest" Ray Rice to make the match up fair.

It was supposed to be the week Cityname Sports Team was vulnerable. They've been riding Tom Brady and Wes Welker like a sorority house this season. But, both were on a bye. Never fear, Arian Foster remembered he was an NFL football player and busted out for 234 yards from scrimmage and three touchdowns en route to a 118-57 whitewash.

John Kasay (kicker) and Dallas (defense) led the way for the Man Whores. That says everything. Six other starters, save for Roddy White, put up seven points or less. You, as we, were probably shocked that last minute pick up Maurice Morris didn't go crazy.

The Whores were controversially awarded BOotW, due to what appears to have been a commissioner error. However, if there was a HSYSotW* Award, they would have won that in a walk.
*Holy Shit You Sucked of the Week

Tecmo Bowls Rally For Second Victory
It's an interesting week in the OFFL when the closest contest of the week is reserved for third in the notes checklist. But, what do you expect from two teams that are a combined 4-10. The only people happy about this are dyslexic truckers.

Can  you imagine being the Tecmo Bowls owner on Sunday? Ben Roethlisberger goes for 32 early in the day and Michael Bush scores 10 after Darren McFadden got hurt. They were sitting so pretty.

Then the Colts defense happened, or something. I'm not sure John Curtis HS would have started that D on any Friday night in New Orleans. But, the Colts did and Vandelay Industries capitalized as Marques Colsten and Darren Sproles each tallied 21 points to push the Industries into the lead heading into Monday night.

All that was left was Maurice Jones-Drew for the Tecmo Bowls, trailing 86-83 going into Monday. MJD was an enigma that night, running for 100 yards, but also fumbling three times. The ball bounced for the Bowls as he only lost one and they escaped with a 90-86 win.

Where Have You Gone Iguanas?
The Iron City Iguanas started 4-0. They're now 4-3 and they may not win another game. This makes us wonder if Kenny Britt for 3 1/2 games was the best fantasy player of all time. Britt is clearly the Peyton Manning of the OFFL.

Most recently, the Iguanas fell to the Wall Street Journals, 85-73. Two players scored zero. One scored one. Had it not been for Cam Newton and Greg Jennings overcoming a combined three points from the RB, TE and Flex spots, the Journals may have actually lost to the Iguanas.

There's nothing setting your roster, getting excited, and then watching Tashard Choice drop a negative-3 while DeMarco Murray runs for 250 yards. But a win always makes it hurt less.

Brees Stuns First-Place Green Iguanas
Neither the Steeltown Stunners nor the Green Iguanas were particularly impressive on Sunday afternoon. In fact, it appeared the Iguanas were about to score yet another improbable victory as the sun set on the bayou. They only had 76 points, but the Iguanas have won with less this year.

Then, Drew Brees happened. Again, and again, and again. Brees threw five touchdowns and scored 43 points in the Stunners 94-76 win. We're not sure what's more amazing. Brees' 43 points or the fact that Saints' receiver Devery Henderson had zero for the Stunners.

Either way, it appears the luck has run out for the Green Iguanas ... for now. We still assume the Stunners won't win again starting Mohamed Massaquoi, Reggie Bush and Devery Henderson. Although, they do play the One-Term Wonders this week. Speaking of ...

Wonders Never Cease, Drinkers Do
Despite the One-Term Wonders 1-5 record entering the contest, this matchup was never in doubt. The Trough Drinkers were facing bye weeks from three running backs, a receiver and their tight end. The result was 57 points en route to getting shellacked, 100-57.

Hell, if it weren't for Dez Bryant, the Trough Drinkers would likely find themselves in the record book for one of the lowest scores of all time. They were threatening the 40-point mark much of the day.

For the Wonders, they got a quintessential (at least to this point) one-hit wonder with DeMarco Murray, who busted loose for 250 yards and a score. His 31 points were complimented by Tony Romo's 18 and Shonn Greene's 11.

The Drinkers started two players that scored zero points.