Week Two Notes

Our apologies for no picture, and no hot chick picture within the notes. Unfortunately the OFFL Computer was accidently left in the office at a certain sandwich shop on 280 on Friday morning. Odds of the commish driving out there before necessary? About the same as Miller Lite surviving his fridge on a football weekend. Hopefully you'll live.


It's Not (Completely) Over
So you're 0-2. Don't worry, you've got company. But you're still thinking, "I can turn this around." History calls "Bull." Five teams have started 0-2 in OFFL history and just one (Trough Drinkers, 2011) managed to make the playoffs, and it flamed out in the first round. However, this year a record four teams are 0-2 after just five in the past two years combined. So maybe, just maybe, we'll see some trend bucking this year. Who doesn't love a good bucking every now and then?

Iguanas Eke Out Tap Handle Preview
The Brothers' Craig went toe-to-toe in the highest scoring close game in league history with the Iron City Iguanas winning 117-116. The Steeltown Stunners 116 points were the third most points in a loss in OFFL history.

The Iguanas got virtually nothing from Mike Williams (0) and the Ravens Defense (2), but their other seven starters stepped up big time by each scoring at least 12 points. Someone in Nashville is selling some really good $#!+ because Kenny Britt went for 19 points after his week one performance of 25. Willis McGahee apparently found the rest of his knee, put it back in, and went for 16 points for the Iguanas.

The Stunners made it close on Sunday and Monday night. Michael Turner dropped 20 and Jeremy Maclin's herculean performance brought the Stunners within one. However, Giants coach Tom Coughlin's choice to take a knee instead of handing off to Brandon Jacobs in the final minutes doomed the Stunners comeback hopes.

This could be a new era for the Iguanas. Two straight ninth-place performances don't instill much confidence, but a 2-0 start and the league's 'most points have our attention. We still wonder how long it will be until Peyton Hillis realizes he's white and stops scoring 20 points per game.

Defense, Stars Carry Hair Dye
When they say the NFL is a passing league, they clearly weren't talking about the match up between Vandelay Industries and Nick Sabans Hair Dye. Josh Freeman and Chad Henne both underperformed and neither was in the top three on their team. It's not Henne's fault though. We blame his parents for birthing Chad Henne.

The Hair Dye used big days from its defense and star players to cruise to a 125-102 victory. Vincent Jackson dropped 29 points while Adrian Peterson had 26, both in losses. The J-E-T-S Jets! Jets! Jets! Defense went for 20 points against Jacksonville. There is no truth to the rumor that the OFFL will adopt a golf-like handicap system for defenses, which would have ranked the Jacksonville offense as an 18 handicap and rendered the Jets point total a mere two. We're pretty sure Auburn's defense would post double figures against the Jags.

The contest was decided in the Flex, Kicker and Defense positions as Nick Sabans Hair Dye posted 49 points from the three while the Industries managed just 13, including minus-1 from Kick Returner extraordinair Randall Cobb. Only 37 days until basketball season.

Pathetic Wins Out Over Awful as Cityname Moves to 2-0
It was just not the Green Iguanas day. First, Jamaal Charles tears an ACL. As if the league's all-time worst record wasn't enough, now its first-round draft pick is out for the year. We believe in karma, and therefore believe that Iguanas owner Brian Limbaugh has likely made fun of band geeks for years. Reap the whirlwind!

Okay, so the Iguanas weren't winning even with Charles. 61 points is 61 points. When seven starters score seven points or less, you're not going to beat much. Hell, even his own meat beat Limbaugh this week.

This is not to overshadow the epic averageness of the 2-0 Sports Team. It's basically Tom Brady and the Really?s. Three words: Johnny Knox, yep.

Whores Ride Best and McFadden to Victory
Tony Gonzales came out of retirement for a SportsCenter Top Play and 20 fantasy points, but even that wasn't enough for the Tecmo Bowls to overcome their slipshod roster.

Jahvid Best and Run-DMC both put up 23 points to lead The Man Whores in a 110-93 win. The Kevin Kolb project added 19 points while miraculously Dustin Keller (16) and John Kasey (13) more than made up for owner Justin Limbaugh's decision to start Reggie Bush, who tallied as many points as Kardashian sisters he's banged (that we know about).

Drinkers Overcome Owner to Avoid 0-2 Start
The Trough Drinkers started week two behind the eight ball thanks to owner Scott Dean's deicision to pick up the Bills Defense and start inactive receiver Brandon Lloyd. Yet, somehow, they pulled through, 100-90 over The Widow Makers, to keep from going 0-2 for the second straight year.

The star of the week was Todd Heroman, the Eagles right tackle. Had it not been for his poor blocking skills, there's no way he would have ended up close enough to Michael Vick to give him a concussion. From there, we can extrapolate that LeSean McCoy would never have scored 23 point. And DeSean Jackson probably would have scored more than two had Mike Kafka-Falaffel not been passing to him.

In an interesting note that probably only we find interesting, the Trough Drinkers have been in back-to-back games where both tight ends have scored at least 14 points.

Journals Bench Cam, Still Win
For the second straight week, Cam Newton was riding fantasy pine. Behind Eli Manning. That Eli Manning. But who needs 432 yards passing when you've got the Lions Defense and Rob Bironas? Yeah, you can book 36 points from them each week.

Somehow the Journals continue to be the good-luck team in the OFFL.  They have faced the two worst teams in point total so far this year. They're still just 1-1.

Meanwhile, we have to wonder what's going on with the Wonders. Still with the Shonn Greene and LT starting duo. How'd that work this week (not well)? Basically if Michael Vick doesn't go for 30, the Wonders are more like the Oneders. And he hasn't yet, hence the 0-2 record.