Hey, if they can do it on ESPN, why can't we do it here? (crickets) Exactly! Without further ado -- what is ado? does anyone know this? -- the very first OFFL Mock Draft.
1. Robinson Jacka - Adrian Peterson, RB, Min
This is a tough one. Jacka is new in the league so we don't have anything to go off of. However, it is well known that one year he spent his first two picks on Tom Brady and Drew Brees. You know, so one could ride the pine each week. He did not win his league that year. In any event, while we wouldn't put it past him to take Aaron Rodgers here, we'll predict he'll pick the No. 1 ranked player by everyone.
2. Mike Mullen - Arian Foster, RB, Hou
Mike has a history of selecting the best player on the board, which has led to a pair of playoff appearances, including a first-place regular-season finish in 2009. And yes, when we mention "the board" we are referring to Mel Kiper.
3. Travis Pigg - Chris Johnson, RB, Ten
This is where it gets a little hairy. We don't know how Travis will organize his draft sheet, or if someone will have stolen it. It's entirely likely he would draft Cam Newton or Ronnie Brown with this pick, but in the end, we assume sanity travel through his ears for a brief moment to make the No. 3 overall selection.
4. Brian Limbaugh - Aaron Rodgers, QB, GB
Brian took the Super Bowl MVP in the first round last year and we think he will again -- missing the playoffs twice in two years be damned. Man the torpedoes men!
5. Hal Craig - Jamaal Charles, RB, KC
Generally, Hal has no clue what he's doing. However, he's never been one to go out on a limb in the first round. Rounds 2-15? That's a different story.
6. Scott Dean - Ray Rice, RB, Bal
Scott has gone RB-RB in each of the previous two OFFL drafts and there's no reason to think that will change here. The only remaining question is Rice or MJD. Our gut says Rice is the pick, don't ask us why we would know such things.
7. Chris Sullivan - Michael Vick, QB, Phi
He rode Vick to the title last year and he'll try to do it again. Unfortunately, this year, Sully will be living in Kentucky, which means he will lose at least two games due to suckage seeping into his team via osmosis. Yes, Alex Smith will be his backup choice in round 12.
8. Parker Sizemore - Maurice Jones-Drew, RB, Jac
Who knows what Parkay's fantasy strategy will be. He's a new owner and we're not sure he can do anything well that doesn't involve a lighter, fireworks and his ass cheeks.
9. Chad Craig - Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Pit
He had to fight the urge to pick the Steelers Defense, but was able to get their running back instead.
10. Parker Schopbach - Drew Brees, QB, NO
Make it three years in a row for Brees to end up in OFFL Armageddon -- err, on Parker's team -- with a first-round pick. Lucky for Parker, he picks again at No. 15.
11. Zac Schreiber - LeSean McCoy, RB, Phi
Zac has been playing fantasy football since he was old enough to drink (which means since he was 14), so he'll make a solid pick. Although, the OFFL is shocked he didn't petition the league to get his one-year old son in this year. Although, Greg would probably at least finish ahead of Parker and Brian.
12. Justin Limbaugh - Andre Johnson, WR, Hou
He's the best player on the board and will be the lone first-round receiver taken. The only question He'd probably prefer Roddy White as a receiver, but you can't argue with Johnson. And he can still take Nate Kaeding with the 13th pick.
There you have it kids. We may as well start the official draft with round two on Monday.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Season 3 :: The OFFL Draft
It's that time. We're less than 100 hours away from the 2011 OFFL Draft. This year's version will lack some of the excitement of previous years as Parker won't be there to let R2D2 draft for him. And the defending champion, Sully, can't make it due to, something. I think it has to do with the fact Kentucky is so amazing that nobody would ever want to leave.
Newcomer Robinson Jacka has the draft's first pick. Based on what we know about his previous league drafts, we assume he will select Tony Romo. Or Joe Flacco, because it reminds him of the term "flaccid."
Draft legend Travis Pigg picks third, hopefully he will be able to hold onto his draft sheet for more than five minutes and make at least one pick before getting banned from the bar for life. Cross your fingers.
Defending league champion Chris Sullivan will only be available via Skype, or some other ghetto-rigged technology Justin Limbaugh sets up at the table. Don't worry, the only reason he won last year was getting to Michael Vick first on the waiver wire. So, his draft this year should be as shitty as the past two years.
The new year offers up a pair of new owners, the afore-mentioned Jacka as well as old friend Parker Sizemore (we think), from Atlanta. They replace the owners who finished 10th and 12th, respectively, last year. Congratulations to Brian Limbaugh for being the creme filling in that Oreo cookie.
Before we actually get started, we'll do some history. This is the third year of the OFFL and four owners have made the playoffs both years: Chris Sullivan, Mike Mullen, Scott Dean and -- yes, it's true -- Travis Pigg.
With that, let's kick off the 2011 OFFL season. Raise your glass (we assume you have one in front of you). Here's to the OFFL, the greatest league with the greatest owners in all the land. To another season ... (drink bitch)
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