PLAYOFF ROUND 2 PREVIEW

Roddy White may be the difference for the Whores in the playoffs.

Playoffs Round 2 Preview
It's the only week of the playoffs where everyone is actually playing, so we figured we'd putout (hehehe, we put out) a playoff preview. Of course, the preview is slightly aided with what we saw on Thursday night from the Atlanta Falcons and Spain Park Jaguars.

Trophy Time
One team will go home with a trophy this week, and it's not one you want to win. That's right, the Team Mom, currently residing on a bookshelf at Brian Limbaugh's residence, will be awarded to the loser between the Steeltown Stunners and Wall Street Journals this week.

Stunners' owner Chad Craig is gunning for his second Team Mom in three years. Somewhere, Carlos Conte is stalking this page thinking one of two things: 1)"I could have won it again this year." 2) "Why does Chad still get to be in the league?"

To that we say: 1) we have no doubt you would have been the favorite to win it again this year; 2) we're not sure if Chad could eat one of us, but we don't want to chance it.

Whores On Pace to Reach Final
Cityname Sports Team has been decimating its opponents all year long while The Man Whores were a picture of futility through the first nine weeks. We're not sure what has changed, but they strung together four straight wins to close the regular season, including taking home the Toyota Cup.

After upsetting the Widow Makers in the first-round, the fifth-seeded Whores already hold a 51-0 lead over the top-seeded Sports Team thanks to Matt Ryan and Roddy White having multiple scorgasms on Thursday night.

By no means is it over though. Tommy-Fawkin-Brady and Wes-Fawkin-Welker have been known to come together scorgasmically as well. And you can't sleep on Arian Foster's chance to run for 300 yards and six touchdowns against Carolina's abysmal defense. And it's always a possibility that Marshawn Lynch will once again enter beast mode.

A win by The Man Whores would put them in their second final in three years. Cityname Sports Team, in its inaugural year, is still trying to embarass us all just by showing up and taking our manhood -- err, the trophy.

Trough Drinkers and Hair Dye to Battle for Trip to Championship

Roselyn Sanchez always scores.

Earlier this year, the Trough Drinkers beat Nick Sabans Hair Dye, 112-110, when Mark Sanchez had a touchdown run overturned on replay in the final minute.

Now, they battle for a trip to the OFFL Championship. It's the second time they've met with a championship berth on the line. In 2009 the fifth-seeded Drinkers upset the regular-season champ Hair Dye in the semifinals. Last year, the two teams met in the fifth-place game, once again with the Drinkers prevailing.

What we know so far is that the Drinkers were a 12-point favorte by Yahoo projections, which is like saying being married is awesome because Jacka said so. After Julio Jones went for 14 points on Thursday, the Hair Dye are showing no signs of giving in and this one could come down to Sunday night.

5th-Place Game
The Widow Makers and One-Term Wonders square off for fifth place. Nobody cares.

Consolation Bracket
There are two semifinals this week in the consolation bracket.

The Iron City Iguanas, who won the Big Brown CoC, face defending champion Vandelay Industries. My how the mighty have fallen.

In the other consolation semifinal, newcomers the Tecmo Bowls face the Green Iguanas. The Tecmo Bowls finished dead last in the regular season and then managed to score 131 points last week. The Green Iguanas are the reigning Team Mom "winner."

WEEK 12 NOTES

Even Nick Sabans Hair Dye is on the Tebow Band Wagon

You've seen the Power Rankings and the Playoff Projections. You know the Bonehead and Lucky-Asses of the week. You think you know what happened in this week's matchups, but not totally because you haven't read the notes. So, go forth young man (and Jacka and Parker), and READ THE NOTES!

League Leader Coasts to Improve to 10-2
In his first season in the OFFL, owner Robison Jacka is proving that either we all suck, or he is U Thant -- or at least the U Thant of the OFFL.

This week Cityname Sports Team continued its assault on the league with his season-long strategy. Let Tom Brady throw touchdowns to Wes Welker to win 137-92 over the second-place Green Iguanas. We looked it up and Welker only has eight touchdowns this year. It seems like he has 28 the way the Sports Team are kicking ass and taking names.

At one point, Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson were performing a Brady/Welker impersonation for the Green Iguanas. Unfortunately for them this week, the mentors schooled the students and the Iguanas were left to rely on the fact that they started two tight ends. Yes, this a team that is ranked third in the league right now.

Hair Dye Escape With Crucial Victory
In easily the most exciting game of the week, Nick Sabans Hair Dye held off the Trough Drinkers, 86-80. The winner was all but assured a playoff spot, and the game came down to each team's participants in the Broncos-Chargers contest. Of course Tim Tebow came out on top.

Going into overtime, the best hope for the Drinkers was Tebow throwing an interception. But according to Skip Bayless, he just doesn't do that, and he didn't. The Drinkers could now be in a tailspin, having lost two straight as well as losing Fred Jackson for the season. It's almost as though they married a Kardashian in Week 9 and are now wondering why the hell it's all falling apart.

Stunners Go Crazy in Shootout
Who could have imagined going into the week that two of the league's worst teams would be going tit-for-tat in a scoring fest. But that's exactly what happened as the Steeltown Stunners rallied to beat the Wall Street Journals 137-92. If that score sounds familiar, it is. It matches the Cityname win over Green Iguanas, the first time in league history two games have been decided by the same score in the same week. Aristocrat shots all around!

The catalyst for the Stunners victory was Drew Brees. He went bonkers for 44 points and carried receiver Lance Moore with him. Moore tagged along for 17 points, that's 61. Tack on 10 from Brandon Jacobs and the Stunners went for 71 points on Monday night. That would have beaten the One-Term Wonders on its own.

Lost in the Monday night comeback was the fact that Sebastian Janikowski kicked six field goals and scored 19 points. No Journal player outscored him. Not even Cam. We think Janikowski just did the Superman touchdown move while popping whatever pills the Polish Assassin pops.

Man Whores Keep Playoff Hopes Alive against Widow Makers

She once helped find "Ray Finkle"

Before we get to the game breakdown, let The Notes give props to these two teams for using their logo and helmet as their official league avatar. As for the game, it wasn't very interesting.

The Widow Makers had a chance to all but assure a playoff berth, which would be their first. But they buckled under the pressure like Ray Finkle in the 1984 Super Bowl. Of course Aaron Rodgers showed up with his weekly 20-plus point game. But nobody else did. Seven starters with seven or fewer points won't get you very far. There's no "I" in "TEAM" unless your name is Aaron Rodgers.

The Man Whores took advantage to stave off almost certain playoff elimination. Matt Ryan remembered Roddy White was on his team and the duo combined for 46 points. Beanie Wells remembered there was and endzone and Percy Harvin remembered he was really fast as they comnbined for 41 more points. Once you have 87 with four players, who cares what your other four scrubs do. Including your white wide receiver.

Cruz Sells Lots of Latex as Industries Beat Wonders
In what can only be described as a match up of utter mediocrity, Vandelay Industries rode star receiver Victor Cruz -- yes, that Victor Cruz -- to an improbable 74-67 victory over the One-Term Wonders.

In hindsight, it's entirely likely the Industries should have won Lucky-Ass Owner of the Week. However, we didn't feel like recognizing their effort last week would be productive at all. Only one player scored more than eight points, and it was Cruz.

Luckily for the Industries, the Wonders were just as bad across the board, without the star power. Only two players cracked the impenetrable nine-point barrier, as Tony Romo and DeMarco Murray went wild for 15 and 12 each.

In all, six of 18 starters scored five or fewer points and half of the 18 went for seven points or fewer. Yes, futility at its finest.

Iron City and Tecmo Bowls Revert To Early Season Form
After four weeks, the Iron City Iguanas were 4-0 and the Tecmo Bowls were 0-4. Since then, the two have been on different tracks.

The once unbeatable Iguanas fell off a cliff starting in week five as they lost six of seven. Meanwhile, the laughable Bowls rose to respectability by winning four of seven after the rough start. Then in a week, recent history was gone.

Iron City sent the Tecmo Bowls an invitation to an exclusive party behind a woodshed, which the Bowls readily accepted to the tune of a 112-73 beatdown.

It's impossible to figure out how the Iguanas scored 112. Looking at it now, owner Hal Craig also could have won Lucky-Ass of the Week. Vince Young for 23 points? Roy Helu for 21 points? Who? Did you really start Jabar Gaffney? My head is spinning. Is that an Oompa Loompa on your roster?

The Tecmo Bowls reverted to their early season form of not scoring very many points. It's great to have four players in double-figures. It's not to have three players score one point or fewer. If only they had been named the Super Tecmo Bowls, everything might have been different.

WEEK 12 POWER RANKINGS

This has been a bad sight for opponents of Cityname Sports Team this season.

We're winding down the season as we head into Rivalry Week in the OFFL. This will be the final Power Rankings, as nobody will care after the playoff seeds are released. You can catch the playoff announcement show, hosted by Rece Davis, Brad Edwards and Lou Holth on ESPN7 on Monday at 11 p.m. CT.

A reminder, in each of the previous two seasons, five of the six teams finishing in the top six have advanced to the playoffs, as well as -- for whatever reason -- the No. 8 team.

1	Cityname Sports Team	663
2	Trough Drinkers	598
3	Tecmo Bowls	508
4	Nick Sabans Hair Dye	504
4	Steeltown Stunners	504
6	Vandelay Industries	496
7	One-Term Wonders	492
8	The Widow Makers	489
9	Green Iguanas	458
9	The Man Whores	458
11	Iron City Iguanas	424
12	Wall Street Journals	405

Based on the current standings, power rankings and week 13 match ups, we project the following playoff seeds:

1) Cityname Sports Team
2) Nick Sabans Hair Dye
3) Trough Drinkers
4) One-Term Wonders
5) Green Iguanas
6) Iron City Iguanas

WEEK 11 NOTES

Whores Overcome Drinkers
Hey Drinkers! You were No. 1 in the power rankings. How do you respond. With a shit performance. Ryan Fitzpatrick for three, Stevie Johnson for one? Outside of Rob Gronkowski, you may as well have been walking your dog all day. At least the man that posts Twitter pics with a pornstar did something.

As for The Man Whores. Since when did Matt Ryan figure out Roddy White was on his team? Apparently Sunday. Ray Rice also decided that he was actually a top 5 back with 26 points. We're still not sure why Steve Breaston is on a roster, but you won, so we won't ask any questions.

Tecmo Bowls go Bo Jackson on Stunners
If I didn't know better, I'd have thought Bo Jackson and Marcus Allen had gone bonkers on the Atlanta Falcons. Instead, it was just the Tecmo Bowls roster as they rolled the Steeltown Stunners, 105-83.

It was a team effort for the Bowls. Six players, including Jerome Simpson, Bart's older brother, went for double figures.

Meanwhile, the Stunners are just not good. They pass the name test, but they can't seem to put it together where three or four players play to their potential in the same week. Maybe it's because they feel bad about the fact that Chad actually made the playoffs last year. And they know better.

Iron City's Swoon Continues
Who needs a win? Vandelay Industries? Okay, done. You get a game against the Iron City Iguanas.

After four straight wins to start the season, the Iguanas have one just once in the past seven. If you look at the trade transactions, you may figure out how. Okay, that's only halfway fair. The Iguanas have more players injured than a World Cup soccer game. And there's are all real. It's not their fault Willis McGahee went for negative-2. It is their fault they decided to play Sam Bradford. Why man, why?

While the Iguanas scored just 58 points, its hard to overcome an opponent who gets 41 points out of TE/K/DEF. And, he actually started Larry Fitzgerald this year for his 10 points.

Stafford Stops Sabans Hair Dye
Matt Stafford scored 37 points to carry the Green Iguanas to victory over Nick Sabans Hair Dye, 95-59. It was yet another example of a team scoring next to nothing against the Iguanas this year. For the Hair Dye, Kellen Winslow topped the squad at 13 and only one other teammate joined him in double figures. Besides those two, Stafford outscored the rest of the Hair Dye team.

To put it in other terms. The Green Iguanas started Lance Ball and Damian Williams and still won by 36. It's like they were playing Arkansas.

Wonders Hold Off Widow Makers
Tony Romo out played Aaron Rodgers and the One-Term Wonders knocked off The Widow Makers, 102-91.

It was a tightly fought battle as each position match up was very close. The biggest separation came at receiver as Jordy Nelson and Dwayne Bowe combined for 32 points against 26 from Torrey Smith nad Darrius Heyward-Bey.

The Wonders are dangerous with DeMarco Murray, Bowe, Nelson, Romo and Jermichael Finley these days. To the chagrin of The Man Whores, they also have San Diego Chargers kicker, Nick Novak.

Journals Set Record for Suckitude
It's not like Cityname Sports Team needs help winning games, but when their opponent drops a 36, the rest of us rue an opportunity wasted.

We assume the Wall Street Journals are still trying. They are, after all, 5-6. But 36 points? 36. It's the second lowest in OFFL history and the lowest not counting when a certain banned owner started three players on bye.

We're not even going to discuss the Sports Team scoring. Brady, Welker, etc. The Journals had seven of nine starters score five or fewer points, and the other two topped out at 10. Fail on an epic level.

WEEK 10 NOTES

Robbie Gould was better for the Sports Team than everyone on the Hair Dye except for Tim Tebow. 

Playoff Watch

We're 10 weeks in and the playoff race is starting to shape up. If history is any guide, you teams that have a losing record at this point have no shot. Ten teams have been worse than .500 after 10 weeks and none have made the playoffs in OFFL history. But, hey, keep trying!

On the flip side, all nine teams that have been 6-4 or better have made the playoffs. That bodes well for the five teams in that current position. Cityname Sports Team has all but clinched a berth with its eight wins.

Playoff Projections
1. Cityname Sports Team
2. Nick Sabans Hair Dye
3. Trough Drinkers
4. The Widow Makers
5. One-Term Wonders
6. Green Iguanas

OFFL Championship Belt
If the OFFL was like boxing, and had a championship belt (don't discount this actually happening), you'd have to beat the champ to be the champ.

The current holder of "The Belt" is Cityname Sports Team, having won it by drubbing Nick Sabans Hair Dye 125-64 this week. The Sports Team are also ranked first in the standings and power rankings giving them a rare Treble at this point in the season.

Dating back to the inaugural week, the Bean Counters won the Battle Royal for the belt with a league high 135 points. Since then, team's have beaten each other back and forth more times than the Macho Man dropped an elbow from the top rope.

Drinkers Get Win By Best Score Ever

Maybe Gronkowski is on to something.

Nobody was surprised by the fact that the Trough Drinkers thrashed the Steeltown Stunners this week. However, the score may have been the best part as the Drinkers won 96-69. 69 means, well, you know. 96 means you get to roll away and get a good nights sleep. Wait, that sucks. Anyone who ever scores 96 should get an automatic loss. Since they don't, we'll break down the game.

The Trough Drinkers were an enigma this week. Five players scored 13 or more points and two scored zero. Rob Gronkowski spent enough time away from porn stars to post 23 points in the win.

Good lord the Stunners are bad. Had Drew Brees not been the game's best player with 24 points, they might not have broke 50 this week. It's almost as though they're trying to play a low-scoring defensive battle, but don't realize that in fantasy you can't stop the other team from scoring. Wave your towel.

Rodgers Carries Widow Makers to Victory
When you pull up a match up and see two teams that BOTH are starting a tight end at Flex, you just scratch your head and wonder why they're so bad. Except this week it happened and both teams have winning records. After Monday, we're not sure how. The Green Iguanas and Widow Makers are virtual mirror images with one exception, one team has Aaron Rodgers and one doesn't.

Rodgers dropped 36 points for the Makers as they won by 24, 90-66. On the flip side, maybe Iguanas owner Brian Limbaugh knows something we don't because his two tight ends outscored everyone on his team, except for his defense. Nevermind, I just re-read that sentence.

Whores Win Inaugural Defending Champions Suck Bowl
For the first time in OFFL history, two previous champions were facing each other. As you might expect, they each entered the contest 3-6. One of them -- cough, cough, Vandelay Industries, cough, cougn -- is attempting to lose every game to get Andrew Luck.

The Industries plan succeeded this week as they dropped an 89-79 decision to the Man Whores. You can tell they're trying to lose because Larry Fitzgerald and his 26 points were on the bench. So were Alex Smith and his 16. Had either played, they would have won.

The beneficiary is the Man Whores and owner Justin Limbaugh's monkey dance. He thinks the win is some sort of redemption of him as an owner. Sorry dude, both your kicker and defense had more points than any of your running backs or receivers. That's just blind luck. If it weren't for the Iron City Iguanas moronic decision to trade you Ray Rice, you might be battling the Indianapolis Colts for bragging rights.

Cityname Sports Team Continues to Roll
In a match up of No. 1 vs. No. 2, we're accustomed to a lack of scoring and a field goal battle. Cityname Sports Team obliterated that idea with a 125-64 thrashing of Nick Sabans Hair Dye. It was the third-largest beat down in OFFL history.

Tom Brady passed for 31 points. Arian Foster ran for 30 points. Hell, the Texans defense managed 17 points and kicker Robbie Gould added 14 points. It was rather ridiculous. Wes Welker and Steve Smith (the fast one) combined for seven points and they still scored 125. Not. Fair.

The Hair Dye were a sacrificial lamb for the weekend, but you'd think they could at least put up a fight. Apparently Tim Tebow can't will his fantasy team's to victory as his 18 points only count as 18 points. They don't make up for the fact that five players scored six points or less, including the Jets Defense incredulous negative-one performance. "All I do is win, win, win ...." Bullshit.

Injuries Doom Iron City Iguanas in Loss
The Iron City Iguanas started 4-0. They are now 5-5 and have as much chance of making the playoffs as Carlos Conte has of getting back in the OFFL. For the fifth time in six weeks the Iguanas lost, this time 101-55 to the One-Term Wonders.

Everyone on Iron City's roster is hurt. They have more pussies than the Bunny Ranch. Now you can add Matt Schaub to the list. It's possible Sunshine from Remember the Titans will be their starter this week.

Meanwhile, the One-Term Wonders took advantage the Iguanas fate. DeMarco Murray scored 22 and Jordy Nelson added 18. The Dallas defense went for 20 points while Reggie Bush stopped banging hos on South Beach for long enough to score 16 points. It was a whitewash. Had the Wonders started Tony Romo instead of Michael Vick, we'd be talking epic OFFL beatdown.

Surprisingly, seven of the nine Iguanas starters won their game in real life. Too bad that doesn't count for shit. Better luck next week.

Bowls Secure Third Win over Journals
In a preview of the 21 1/3 Ounce Cup, the Tecmo Bowls shocked the Wall Street Journals, 93-71. The Journals were favored by 21 points, but Michael Bush (hehehe) had other ideas. He is taking full advantage of Darren McFadden's injury by tallying 29 points. Four other players hit double figures as the Bowls improved to 3-7.

The Journals succombed to suckitude as only Chris Johnson had more than 10 points. Yes, the same Chris Johnson who has been the leader of the suckitude train all season. Apparently he jumped off the train, but all his followers on the Journals love the train. Cam, 10. Mike Wallace, 8. Greg Jennings, 9. Law Firm, 0. And on, and on, and on.

The more appalling thing about this game is that neither owner is on Twitter. Quit being bitches and get your shit together. You're ruining our perfect attendance ... or something.

WEEK TEN POWER RANKINGS

Picking Steve Smith "The Fast One" in the 7th Round has proven to be a great decision for Cityname Sports Team.

The League's first place team has moved to the top of the Power Rankings. In the past five of the top six power ranking teams have made the playoffs, and the No. 8 team both year. We at least think this week's No. 8 won't do it as the Steeltown Stunners are 3-7.

You have to feel bad for newcomer Tecmo Bowls as they reside in last place in the league. Yet, they've had a ridiculous 975 points scored against, and are clearly better than their record as they are in seventh in the power rankings. Defending champions Vandelay Industries reside in 10th in the league standings. We have no sorrow for them.

1	Cityname Sports Team	655
1	Trough Drinkers	655
3	Nick Sabans Hair Dye	541
4	The Widow Makers	523
5	Vandelay Industries	505
6	One-Term Wonders	500
7	Tecmo Bowls	491
8	Steeltown Stunners	473
9	Iron City Iguanas	427
9	Wall Street Journals	427
11	Green Iguanas	418
12	The Man Whores	386

WEEK NINE NOTES

Drinkers Down Bowls, 99-92
Philip Rivers scored 30 to overcome the Oakland defense's drunken performance of negative-5. Not that it mattered. Even Mike Tolbert's miraculous 19 points wasn't enough to save the Tecmo Bowls from the little red light blinking on their old school NES. Blow in the cartridge man, your team sucks.

Iron City Wins Iguana Bowl, 82-70
The Iron City Iguanas got off the schnide finally after four straight losses. Willis McGahee (he still plays?!?) was the catalyst with 28 points en route to OFFL Player of the Week. It appears the luck is running out on the Green Iguanas as not even the "Red Rifle" could save the day with 26 points.

Vandelay Tops Stunners, 94-83
Needing to halt it's season-long slump, Vandelay Industries channeled Mark Grace went after, what you may refer to as, a slump buster. Luckily for them, the Steeltown Stunners were on the schedule. It's like eHarmony got involved on this one. We don't know how the Stunners lost. Perhaps it was LeGarrette Blount, Sebastian Janikowski and Brandon Jacobs all getting high right before kickoff.

Cityname Bombs Widow Makers, 122-81

Clearly the Eagles D had motivation

In a thrashing of epic proportion, Cityname Sports Team took The Widow Makers behind the woodshed last week as though Andrew Luck were their quarterback. Seven of nine starters had at least 13 points while the Makers continued their Aaron Rodgers or bust strategy. They hit both as Rodgers went for 38, but the rest of the team went bust. A combined four points from three receivers? Fail.

Wonders Stave Off Whores, 91-84
In perhaps the most thrilling match of the week, the One-Term Wonders appeared to be ready to coast to victory Monday night, sporting a seven-point lead and Michael Vick still to play. However, the Eagles defense and something else in mind, scoring a touchdown, forcing a pair of turnovers and even lifting The Man Whores to an 89-87 fourth-quarter lead. But Vick managed to not lay a complete egg and came through with a paltry eight points, just enough to win.

Hair Dye Recycle Journals, 118-71
Nick Saban's teams had at least one victory last weekend as the Hair Dye rode Tim Tebow and Vincent Jackson to an easy win over the Wall Street Journals. Tebow put up 27 while Jackson hauled in 32 points. Brandon Marshall and Steven Jackson combined for 30 more as the Journals never had a chance.

WEEK NINE POWER RANKINGS

Marshawn Lynch dropped 19 for Cityname Sports Team in their huge week nine performance.

The power rankings are back, and the Trough Drinkers are on top for the second straight week. They dropped  100 points for the fifth time. Cityname Sports Team, who rank first in the real standings, had the league's highest total this week and moved much closer to first in the power rankings.

On the other end, The Man Whores are still lying on the league floor, but strayed from the disastrous "Conte-Line" of  350. Well done Whores. You're not horribly awful. Just very awful.

The rankings are based on what each team's record would have been had it played every team in the league each week. In each of the previous two seasons, five of the top six teams (and strangely the No. 8 team, good news Tecmo Bowls) have made the playoffs. Without further ado, your Week Nine Power Rankings:

1	Trough Drinkers	636
2	Cityname Sports Team	616
3	Nick Sabans Hair Dye	591
4	The Widow Makers	510
4	Vandelay Industries	510
6	Steeltown Stunners	495
7	Iron City Iguanas	475
8	Tecmo Bowls	465
9	One-Term Wonders	455
10	Green Iguanas	444
11	Wall Street Journals	434
12	The Man Whores	369

WEEK EIGHT POWER RANKINGS

LeSean McCoy's first half of the season have led the Trough Drinkers to the top of the Power Rankings.

The power rankings are back, surprisingly with a 4-4 team on top. However, the Trough Drinkers have scored 100-points four times this year and 90 or more six times. No other team can claim as many as three and four such outings, respectively, on the season.

On the other end, The Man Whores are flirting with the "Conte-Line" named after the former owner of Jamaicazilian Flava, who consistently kept his team's power ranking at or below 350.

The rankings are based on what each team's record would have been had it played every team in the league each week. In each of the previous two seasons, five of the top six teams (and strangely the No. 8 team) have made the playoffs. Without further ado, your Week Eight Power Rankings:

1	Trough Drinkers	614
2	Cityname Sports Team	568
3	The Widow Makers	551
3	Nick Sabans Hair Dye	551
5	Steeltown Stunners	511
6	Iron City Iguanas	500
6	Green Iguanas	500
8	Vandelay Industries	483
9	Wall Street Journals	477
10	One-Term Wonders	443
10	Tecmo Bowls	443
12	The Man Whores	358